Somehow, you managed to get through the first few hours, months, and even years after your loss. Maybe it was the death of a beloved, perhaps another monumental loss. You got through the tsunami somehow. People may have even asked you how you managed to stay so strong. Have You? Have you even begun to grieve what happened? Did you learn to grin and bear-like generations before you? In truth, you may be exhausted and soul-weary from spending every ounce of energy meeting that expectation, appearing strong enough. At the same time, you push the grieving further down the to-do list. You may even be managing well in every area, except this one that creeps out of the shadows whenever there is quiet.

And how has your family fared in the crosshairs?

After my loss, I used to think that my job was to “stay strong.” That looked like suppressing all the tears, chiding myself for even having them, and mirroring my mentors, who seemed to have mastered the art of “staying strong.” I became very angry and unpleasant to be around at home until one day, my 8-year-old brought home a book from the library with a Mother who looked and behaved like the Joker. As if that was not enough, he handed it to me. After all, he thought of me when he saw it. What’s wrong with libraries that allow children to check out books like these to give to their mothers? I could give the Librarian a stern tongue-lashing or accept the lesson. I spared the librarian. It was time, and I knew exactly what I needed help with.

Strength in Community

What hard lessons have you learned in managing your sorrow? Share below. You have a partner to help you unpack and witness all your losses. You don’t have to do this alone. There is healing in community. This is a non-judgmental space. 

Note: The information provided here is not a substitute for individualized professional advice. If you are struggling with intense or prolonged feelings or difficult emotions during grief, it is recommended to seek support from a licensed mental health professional in your area.

US 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat.  988lifeline.org